Bell's Palsy, Day 8

Yesterday was very relaxed, and not much changed. Today's similar. It seems very much like my face continues to gain symmetry. My speech seems clearer. The problem is that progress is gradual enough that it's hard to be absolutely sure. My brother has suggested doing daily videos to see improvement, and that may be a good idea. Then again, I know it's getting better. There's a reason the doctor said I needed to be patient. This is a healing process.

Today I have some muscle soreness on the right side of my face. The ones that do work are working really hard to compensate and to counteract the strength on the left side.

Spawn was really sweet and said a prayer that if possible I might be healed overnight. That would have been wonderful of course, but I'm not surprised there's still more time left on this particular trial.

Bell's Palsy, Day 6

I skipped a day by mistake, but really there's not a ton to report. I did have a doctor's appointment, which went well. He confirmed the ER diagnosis and said to continue the course of the medications. He also advised patience. The recovery is different for everyone, but the fact I never lost any tactile sensitivity was a really good sign. I guess some people do. I've also avoided involuntary drooling. I guess many people don't. He said although much about the condition is still mysterious, it looked good for a full recovery.

The patience bit is something I've come to understand as I talk to the increasing number of people I'm finding out have had this or know someone directly who has. Some people get it more than once, especially if they had it as children or teens. Their later bouts last only 2-3 days. One friend had it and didn't start to have any recovery until a week and a half after onset. So, I've gotten an early start on recovery, but it appears mine will take some time. That's okay with me, as long as it heals. I'd like to be over taping my eye at night, and also be able to eat more easily, but I'm sure that will come.

Today my face seemed to lift a bit better, easing the asymmetry. My mouth seems to form a straighter line rather than drooping so much on the right. I haven't made any huge strides in new areas or strength of control, but I think chewing is a bit easier (for those who haven't thought about it, you use your cheek muscles to push food from the side of your mouth back up into your teeth--hard to do when your cheek muscles won't respond). Patience...

I've started doing my lunch time walks again. This event has has been wake up call in a few ways. After my gall bladder surgery, the weight loss Bubbles and I were accomplishing fell by the wayside. That's going to change. It's time to be healthier. The goal of the walking isn't just to reestablish my routine, though, but also to help relieve the stress of work and to increase overall circulation, which I hope will help lessen inflammation and thus speed recovery. At the very least, I'm hoping for some placebo effect.

I'm also learning some important personal lessons. I've always been a bit repulsed by physical deformity. I suppose it's only natural, but it's not right, and I've always known that. Being repulsed by your own face in the mirror is quite a revelation. Being disgusted at your own inability to eat normally is deeply humbling. It builds tolerance and empathy for others. I also suspect small imperfections that have bothered me in the past won't so much in the future. What are they compared to a working face? While I don't like what I'm going through, it will help me be a better person if I let it, so I'm trying.

Bell's Palsy, Day 4

I'm so excited. Funny how little things will do that. I now have slight downward movement in my right upper lip. It's weak, but it's there. Same with my chin. The action of the muscles is dwarfed by the unaffected muscles on the left, but I can feel it, and it can be seen. I also think when I had my granola bar this afternoon to take my Acyclovir (food helps with the medicine's uptake), my upper right lip did move a bit up and out of the way. I didn't make that happen, but it should happen automatically when I take a bite and it hasn't been (it's a lot of work to avoid biting your limp lip, actually). So that's indicative of additional return of control.

I'm now positive this is temporary. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to follow up. They'll probably want to make sure I don't have high blood pressure or anything else that might hinder healing, but I'm pretty sure I don't. I know it was high on Sunday morning, but I thought I'd had a stroke, so that's pretty predictable.

In any case, I'm very excited and much more upbeat than I had been.

Bell's Palsy, Day 3

There haven't been any huge changes today, except that I've averted redness and discomfort in my right eye today. Funny what not having a hair in it and vents blowing on it will do for the comfort level. Last night we put in some all night moistening gel, taped the lid carefully with paper tape, then covered with an eyepatch. It was probably overkill, since the eye does close in sleep, but why take chances? It worked great, though I had "vaseline on the lens" effect for a while after waking up.

I forgot to mention that when I got home last night Spawn had sweetly created "Happy Home" signs and placed them all over the house. It was really cute, and really sweet of her.

I could swear last night at some point I twitched my nose. I don't think it was a dream, but I couldn't do it again this morning or today. Just recently, I was feigning surprise for Ellie and both my eyes opened wide and my eyebrows both went up. I couldn't repeat it, but it's a start. I'm confident I'm going to heal.

Today a huge portion of the stress I've been under has been calmed. First, my desk partner at work will be back tomorrow after 4 days out and her workload has slowed considerably. At my work, we have a designated person who covers your desk while you're out, and you cover his or hers while he or she is out. That doesn't mean you do all their work, but rather coordinate the effort of covering the desk. Because of a potential big project, I'd been trying to keep as much of her stuff as possible on my desk to minimize the impact on others. The result was probably overstressing myself.

The big help was Bubbles. She went to the Temple today and put my name on the prayer roll. attribute the result to what you will, but the result was amazing. Shortly after the time she did it, a review of my workload allowed me to calm considerably. I could tell it wasn't as bad as I'd been thinking. As the day progressed, every time I started to worry, I'd be calmed and assured everything was fine. And it was. She'd been praying for me before, and often times I know when she has been--her faith truly does move mountains. This was just an additional testimony of the power of the combined faith involved in temple worship, and it's a powerful one. I'm more confident than ever that I will be back to normal, and sooner rather than later.

Bell's Palsy, Day 2

The literature seems to be right. Paralysis of the facial muscles on my right side seems complete now (fact sheets from the hospital says it's complete in between 24-48 hours. Thank goodness my eyelid mostly works.

Spawn called me in to ask how my face was this morning. After explaining that despite it being a bit worse that was normal, I unexpectedly started crying. Even knowing this is going to get better doesn't seem to ease how difficult it is to endure, especially with your 6 year old examining your ruined face.

One can't help but wonder if one is going to be part of the unlucky 20% that suffers permanent debility. Did I experience my last normal kiss on Saturday? My last normal taste of food on Friday? I don't think so, but the wondering, well, that's hard.

After work: I had kind of a harrowing drive home. A hair in my eye (discovered later) along with air from the vents combined for a painful right eye that I couldn't blink well enough (even using my fingers to help) to clear. I got home as fast as possible and rinsed thoroughly. The eye has gone from very red to nearly normal and fairly comfortable, albeit still tired and a bit irritated.

I seem to have regained very slight control of my lower right lip, though it's sill very weak, and I'm experiencing small muscle spasms in my upper right lip, which Bubbles has read is a good sign.

I had to work a long day at work today, which isn't so good, but I lived through it with plenty of help from on high.

Bell's Palsy

You don't expect your life to change overnight. Nobody ever does, but it happens all the time. Last night it happened to me.

It could be a lot worse, but naturally I'd have preferred that it not happen at all. Yesterday afternoon it seemed like the right side of my tongue wasn't tasting properly. I noticed it first with water. I love drinking water. It concerned me enough by evening that I tried a teaspoon full of sugar, then a dab of salt. I could taste them, but it still seemed like it was weak on my right side.

Well, what to do? It wasn't any big deal. I don't have a sense of smell, so the contrast wasn't huge, really. I went to bed.

This morning I woke up and twitched my nose. Left side worked fine. Right side didn't. Weird. I can curl my tongue the way one does for long distance watermelon seed spitting. I tried. The left side curled. The right side didn't. I can wink quite well with either eye. I tried that. The left side worked. The right side didn't. I can flare my nostrils at will. Same result. I can raise my eyebrows. Same result. The right side of my face was simply weak.

Fearing that despite being relatively young (mid 30's) the worst had happened, I called the on call doctor. He was very nice and asked about symptoms. I described them, and he said it seemed much more like Bell's Palsy than a stroke. I had heard of Bell's Palsy because it was what my Dad insisted he'd had after he had an actual stroke. Unlike him, I had no weakness in my limbs on the affected side, nor loss of sensation. Also, it turns out that for some reason, stroke paralysis doesn't usually affect the eyebrow on the affected side. Bell's Palsy does. My eyebrow was affected.

We took a trip to the Emergency Room, since no matter what, immediate treatment is important. They confirmed it was Bell's Palsy, and sent me home with antiviral medication and steroids to reduce any inflammation. Textbook treatment for a textbook case of Bell's Palsy--it was precisely what the on call doctor had said was likely.

Not having much sense of taste is really odd. Now I think I know what people who lose their sense of smell must go through. I've never had one, so I know I'm missing things, but it's not a huge deal to me. Food pretty much tastes like cardboard. The joy has gone out of eating. On the bright side, at least it will be easy to lose weight.